We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
