Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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