i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize