I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
