i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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