Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
