It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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