there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
