hotel room ftw
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
