is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
