I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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