i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
