I've blown a few things in my day
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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