Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
