ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
