just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
