Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
