toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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