i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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