Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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