At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
