Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
