I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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