she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
