ya dads aren't the best wingmen
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
