Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
