wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize