I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
