What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
