NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
