I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize