chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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