So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
