Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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