That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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