Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
