Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
