last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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