I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize