I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
