I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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