I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
