how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You are a genius and a whore.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
