just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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