his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There r osticjed everywhere
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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