If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
