Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize