No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
