Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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