He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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