I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
