I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think people are normalizing furries
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
