When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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