Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
