Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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