I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
