I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
