i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
