theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
