4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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