Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
