I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
