Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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