Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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