I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
