So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
