if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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