Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
