We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
