i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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