Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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