I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
