It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
