dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
