Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
