he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
