How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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