We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
