There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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