i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
