i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
