i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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