So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
