we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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