My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
