I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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