You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize