What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
