i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
