Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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